from http://pro.corbis.com

My mother thinks that women should not flirt with men, nor do the first move in the dating world. Not only that the thought is caused by the so-called ‘Eastern values’, but she personally thinks that it makes men disrespect women.

When she and my father met, she was the one having a crush on my father. She flirted with him first, made the first move – basically, she did all the things to date my father.

She was on a higher social level at that time. Many men were after her, and she loved being the centre of their attention. But my father was different. He did not show any interest to her. Although I think, he was just not the kind of guy who falls for a girl’s physical appearance – it takes more than look to win him.

In short, they got married; only after my mother tried to commit suicide by drinking a bottle of insecticide and many other incidents. But even after their 18 years of marriage, my father still showed her no interest. And as I mentioned before, my mother loves being the centre of attention. Not having the only attention that she wanted, i.e. from my father, frustrated her in the end. She thought that my father ‘abandoned’ or ‘ignored’ her because she was the one making the first move.

They got divorce when I was fifteen. Simply because she wanted my father’s attention but he could not show her any attention.

She was wrong. It was a big mistake for thinking that my father disrespected her because she flirted with him first. It was because my father is not the one with his heart on his sleeve. He’s a cold person; showing his affection to someone else is not the thing he usually does. They don’t teach him this subject on his college.

But I believe that he tried to show her that he cares – only that he did that in his way, which none of us could understand. He worked hard for his family, fulfilled our needs without ever once complaining, did the best he could so that his children got the best education…

But then again, what my father failed to see is that women need verbal expression. And that’s something he could not do.

So it really doesn’t matter who made the first move. In the end, what it takes to survive the relationship are love, commitment, trust, understanding, compromise, communication, and many other things.

And that’s something that neither my mother nor my father understood.

from http://www.thegoat.backcountry.com

It’s not about Jennifer Weiner’s novel, nor about the movie taken from the novel, but it’s about getting into a deeper level of empathy.

Speaking of which, it’s never enough JUST to try to put yourself in her (or his) shoes. It’s good – at least you’ve tried to empathize (cause I know some people who don’t even have the term ‘empathy’ in their dictionaries of life), but let’s try to get into a deeper level of empathy.

I bet once or twice, when someone asks for your opinion about her (or his) problems, you would think, “I could have settled this problem long ago if I were her (or him)” or “Hey, I know exactly how to solve this problem since I’ve been there before.”

But hey, are you sure?

Let’s try to get to a deeper level of empathy. Try to REALLY put yourself in her (or his) shoes. And by this, I’m not talking merely about try to put yourself in the circumstances she’s (or he’s) in, but also put yourself in her (or his) way of thinking, her (or his) educational level, her (or his) social skills and social level, her (or his) neighborhood – or simply, every single thing about her (or his). That would make the difference.

Let’s say, both of you were faced with exactly the same problem. Each one of the points I mentioned above would determine the way each one of you perceive the problem, the way each one of you solve the problem, the time it takes to solve the problem, and of course, it would highly determine the possibly different outcome.

So maybe, started from now, all of us can at least TRY to get to a deeper level of empathy when dealing with someone else’s problem, knowing that each one of us really is unique in so many ways. I’m trying hard to, what about you?

from http://proudtointroduce.com

Her name is Josceline Emanuela Darmawan. She was born on April 2, 2009. I watched her while she was sleeping. Very adorable and cute, that’s what I thought when I met her for the first time.

And no. I’m not talking about my own baby.

Without trying to offend anyone, I even knock on wood every time I come across a pregnant lady. Not that I don’t want to have children – I do, I really do. It’s just that, not now, please.

Anyway, about Celine – that’s how her mother calls the baby, or Joy – that’s how her father calls her… I’m wishing her all the best for her future. I really hope that she can be her parents’ hope and strength in dealing with their tough circumstances. And for my friend, Agnes Nora and her husband, congratulations! All the best for your family.

And for the new born baby – cheers!